Stories

Still ill: Corona diary

Although she’s not sure how she was exposed to coronavirus, artist Monique Jackson suspects it might have been during a train journey in March 2020. Here she describes the intense dreams, isolation and debilitating physical symptoms that laid her low – and medics’ disagreement over what had made her so ill.

Words and artworks by Monique Jackson

  • In pictures
Webcomic showing a person lying in a brown coloured bed within a bedroom with cream walls and flooring. The individual is half covered with a red blanket, wearing a grey coloured top and black socks, and is lying on three striped pillows.
Still ill: Corona diary. © Monique Jackson for Wellcome Collection.
1 of 11

This is a self-portrait in my room from the first few weeks of self-isolating. I could feel my heartbeat pounding like a techno party and noticed I could no longer smell the geranium essential oils in my diffuser. I wanted a test to be sure I was ill with Covid-19, but was told by 111 that none were available.

Webcomic showing a text conversation on a pink background. The conversation includes asking how the recipient is doing while stating they think they have COVID-19, and lists symptoms.
Still ill: Corona diary. © Monique Jackson for Wellcome Collection.
2 of 11

My mate and I got sick together in March 2020. We are not sure exactly when or how we could have been exposed to Covid-19. Retracing our steps, we boarded an Overground train from Rotherhithe to New Cross, and then bought some food and drink from corner shops on a walk into Peckham. This was a week before lockdown; social distancing and PPE were not the norm yet.

Webcomic showing half a face with a closed eye, coloured purple, with blue and orange droplets on. On the right of the frame, the silhouettes of two people are shown, one coloured yellow with purple and blue droplets on their body, and one black.
Still ill: Corona diary. © Monique Jackson for Wellcome Collection.
3 of 11

I had several nights of vivid dreams in which I was being chased across a library and through a field by a shadowy figure. The dreams were very detailed in comparison to normal. I awoke drenched in sweat.

Webcomic showing the words 'clap, clap, clap' in red writing on a white background. Behind the words, the corner of a room with a window and bookshelf is shown.
Still ill: Corona diary. © Monique Jackson for Wellcome Collection.
4 of 11

After having breathing problems, I organised a telephone therapy session that started on a Thursday evening. At around 20.00 it was interrupted by this loud wave of noise.

Webcomic showing two individuals, one with their back to the viewer and the other facing. The facing individual is stood outside of a window, whereas the other individual is sat on the other side of the window on a brown object, in a room also including a round brown table.
Still ill: Corona diary. © Monique Jackson for Wellcome Collection.
5 of 11

The first four weeks of self-isolating was tough. My friend Billy would come and chat through the front window on the phone. Even though it was unlikely I could pass the illness through the glass, I decided to sit back at the table just in case. I owe my sanity to the friends that visited me during this time – to encourage me to live rather than just survive.

Webcomic showing a front door coloured green and numbered 65 in yellow, with a blue bag left on the porch outside. The door is surrounded by green plants to the right and left.
Still ill: Corona diary. © Monique Jackson for Wellcome Collection.
6 of 11

Getting food and meds dropped off to my door was a necessity during a month of isolating. In Hackney there were many local groups organising drop-offs to people shielding or isolating. This has been a lifeline and restored my faith in how as a community we can pull together.

Webcomic showing two individuals sat in a car, both of which are covered in blue coloured droplets. One individual is placing a green coloured swab stick in their mouth, and the other is holding another green swab stick with a white tip.
Still ill: Corona diary. © Monique Jackson for Wellcome Collection.
7 of 11

My friend Hratche offered to drive me to a testing centre so I could see if the virus was still in my system, as there was no explanation from doctors as to why I was still getting new symptoms after two months since the suspected infection. Although testing was now available to the public, it was offered via a drive-through, so I relied on my friend for a ride. I thought we’d be met by nurses and doctors. Instead we saw 20-something-year-old army squaddies directing us round the former leisure centre in Mile End. We both ended up having a PCR test. I was so glad to have a smartphone, as it’s required for QR-code scanning to get the test.

Webcomic displaying an indoor staircase with orange and purple carpet, a brown banister and cream walls. Behind the staircase shows a doorframe opening to a room with brown and orange tiled flooring, with a brown table and chair.
Still ill: Corona diary. © Monique Jackson for Wellcome Collection.
8 of 11

The bedroom and bathroom in my house are upstairs, the kitchen downstairs. It takes me time to recover after walking up the stairs; sometimes I rest halfway. I would try to pretend this wasn’t a thing and run up at the same rate as before. Now I don’t fight it – what’s the point in being in denial?

Webcomic showing a double bed in a room with a hot water bottle on top and clothes on the floor.
Still ill: Corona diary. © Monique Jackson for Wellcome Collection.
9 of 11

About a month in, I was waking up with gastric burn on my insides, burps and nausea. I had never felt these pains before and read online tips to combat acid reflux: that I should try raising the head of the bed and sleeping at an angle to keep stomach acid down. Another level of strange to add to the experience.

Webcomic showing two people sat in an outdoor area wearing face masks. Thee is a black cat drawn in the background next to a green bush with pink flowers. Speech bubbles in the comic detail a conversation about what symptoms one of the individuals is experiencing, with the other confirming with no doubt that the individual has had COVID-19.
Still ill: Corona diary. © Monique Jackson for Wellcome Collection.
10 of 11

Someone I knew kindly offered to pay for me to have a Covid-19 antibody test. I had no idea what they meant, but agreed straight away. It had been ten weeks since my suspected infection. At the time in the UK, antibody tests were only available to me privately; the one I had was manufactured by Abbott. Talking with a doctor and getting my blood taken in my garden made me feel both lucky and guilty that I was getting this service when loads of other people couldn’t afford it. The doctor listened to me describing my symptoms and said he was confident I was recovering from Covid-19.

Webcomic detailing a telephone conversation between two drawn individuals. The conversation says that one of the individuals, Miss Jackson, has a negative result for an antibody test for COVID-19, meaning it is unlikely they have had the virus.
Still ill: Corona diary. © Monique Jackson for Wellcome Collection.
11 of 11

The test results showed that I did not have any antibodies. This was a shock. The private doctor did a U-turn and said he was not sure I had been ill from Covid-19. I later spoke with my NHS doctor, who informed me that apparently lots of patients were getting “false negatives” and that they still believed my symptoms were from the virus.

About the author

Photograph of Monique Jackson

Monique Jackson

@_coronadiary on Instagram

‘Still Ill: Corona Diary’ is a live visual journal with daily uploads of drawings from Monique Jackson hosted on Instagram. The artwork illustrates Monique’s experience of falling ill from a suspected infection of Covid-19 in March 2020 and battling ongoing symptoms. The project has grown to include Monique speaking internationally in one-on-one ‘Lockdown Lock-in’ interviews on IGTV and Zoom webinars, ‘Covid Culture Talks’, discussing intersectional issues surrounding the pandemic.