The choice of a mate.

  • Ludovici, Anthony M. (Anthony Mario), 1882-1971.
Date:
[1935]
Catalogue details

Licence: Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International (CC BY-NC 4.0)

Credit: The choice of a mate. Source: Wellcome Collection.

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    her to wise native promptings in mating is excessive vanity. This is, of course, additional to the other factors already ascribed to morbid current values. If she is very vain, the first unworthy male, by abolishing her self-doubts, will so much elate her, that she runs the risk of regarding him as just as “ perfect ” as the sex-starved man regards the inferior girl. This does not mean that excessive vanity may not act similarly with men. But whereas a girl without undue vanity and in feriority feelings (they always go together) will be more sober in choice than the sex-starved male, the male, in order to be sober in choice must be free from both undue vanity, inferiority feelings and chronic tumescence. It is now necessary to deal with one other aspect of Christian influence on human life. I refer to the doctrine of selfishness and unselfishness, especially in so far as it may lead a person to suppose he or she can be loved for his or her “ self ” as that bluffer Socrates put it, or “ unselfishly ”. From the very beginning it would be well for all young people to recognize that on this question of unselfishness and selfishness and the praise and blame commonly accorded to each, Christian teaching is psychologically false. Owing to its early appeal to the pariah and the outcast, 1 this religion constantly reveals a psychology framed more on demagogic appeal than actual fact. The very command, “ Love one another ! ” like the Mosaic command, “ Honour thy father and thy mother ”, is based on a misunderstanding of normal mental processes. Love and honour are not voluntary; they are a natural, inevitable and quite involuntary reaction to the lovableness and honourableness of the object, whether neighbour or parent. No command can make one love anyone who is not lovable. 1 2 “ Seek neighbours that are loveable so that you may inevitably love them ”, would have been more sensible. “ Love one another ! ” is shallow and reveals a poor, almost benighted grasp of human psychology. You might just as well say, “ Admire one another ”, or “ Esteem one another ”. These reactions depend on certain 1 For data supporting this, see my Who is to be Master of the World ? (London, 1909). 2 Two Gentlemen of Verona, V, 2. “ Love will not be spurred to what it loathes.”